Thanksgiving was a much bigger deal in my family when we were kids growing up on the east coast: it was a mix of east meeting west in the best way possible. My mom would slave away in the kitchen making turkey, stuffing (which was actually fried rice), egg rolls, and pumpkin pie. Ever since they moved to LA though, my dad has taken over the culinary reins of this hallowed holiday under the guise that my mom deserves a break for 30+ years of turkey roasting; but really, I think it’s because he’s never been a fan of the bird. I am happy to say though that one tradition remains constant after all these years: the amount of red wine and post-dinner bourbon that is consumed is unchanged (6 bottles of red, and half a bottle of good bourbon on the rocks).
To break away from the norm, my dad decided that 2011 was the year that we were going to go gut-busting fancy. That meant surf and turf: steak and lobster, the loving couple. After we packed that away (so good), I tried to convince my dad to give me the recipe for his steak. But he’s oddly protective of it–from what I can sniff out, it’s a soy-based sauce with red wine and butter and lots of garlic. Not even knocking back 3 glasses of bourbon could convince him to give that shit up.
Anyway, after waddling home from our meal and the annual debate of Marriage & Kids (my dad: “Let me tell you, the reason why marriage is a failing institution is because of the goddamn economy. God I miss Bill Clinton.”); I loafed on the couch with the pups in a state of red wine and ended up watching a terrible, TERRIBLE movie. In fact, it’s so terrible that I kind of don’t want to admit that I watched it, but I also ended up texting Abby through most of it, analyzing romantic comedies. For example:
- Why is there always an obligatory scene scene where the girl and the guy share a bed and have a sexually charged yet platonic night of tense non-sleep? And, moreover, why has there only been ONE movie to date in which morning wood is acknowledged (and that would be this one).
- Why does the girl always have to deliver two speeches; the first in the middle of the film where she becomes uber-bitchy and goes off on a tirade on the guy that’s typically alcohol-fueled and all the guy does is “realize he is falling in love” with this terrible human being? The second speech is at the end when the girl stands up in front of a huge crowd of strangers and declares her undying forever love for the guy and waits on pins and needles for him to respond as her eyes well up in tears? Who does that?
- Speaking of grand public gestures of romance, am I the only person who thinks Howie Mandel’s show Mobbed sounds like the worst idea ever? I mean, I even think it’s worse that Mario Lopez’s H8R show (which I did not watch by the way, I’m just basing this on concept alone). Should we be concerned that it’s in its second season? WHAT THE HELL.
- Amy Adams is difficult to watch. She always looks either perplexed (mouth open) or shocked (mouth open). There’s no in between. Also, I did watch Julie & Julia and man, was she a real asshole or what? That character was so mean and shitty that I actually felt bad for Amy Adams for having to play such an evil person, especially after word got out that the real Julie was a hellacious polecat.
Anyway. Today is Black Friday; which means I’m going to try and counterbalance my 10 lbs of feasting by lightening up my wallet.